Author Archives: Wendy Jones

For several years, I took public transit to work everyday. There were months where I’d set my alarm to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to take 2 buses to work and two buses home. If it was windy or rainy, didn’t matter, I was out there at the bus stop waiting. I’d wake up with an upset stomach and just power through. Sometimes the route would run late and I’d miss my second bus and have to wait for the next one. I basically caught the earliest bus I could so that even if the bus was late, I’d arrive to work on time. I used to feel embarrassed and ashamed that was my only option at the time to get to work. Very few of my coworkers knew I took public transit because I thought they’d look down on me or pity me like I was a sad little puppy. Riding the bus was scary at times, especially as a single woman. I learned how to ride the bus and avoid unsafe or sketchy people. I learned to trust my gut and be street smart. I’d dress in clothes that were modest and unassuming and avoided eye contact as a way to protect myself. Along the way I met some Christian friends who I still am in contact with today(love you, Candice).

Looking back now, I don’t see this season of my life in a negative light. When I look back at my days of taking advantage of the opportunities the Lord gave me, It causes me to feel immense gratitude for the present. I feel grateful that God gave me the physical and mental ability to ride public transit safely. San Bernardino public transit is scary. There were people that would hang around the transit center prowling like lions looking for the vulnerable. I always had family I’d text when I got on the bus and when I arrived to my destination. My time on the bus became many a session of time with the Lord. I’d listen to worship songs and just pour my heart out to Him. Many times, He’d speak to me too and I’d listen. I no longer see someone who was a coward or a pitiful person but I see instead, a strong woman who took what she had and made the best of it.

This week sent me in a tailspin and shook me a little, if I’m honest. What I thought would just be a routine eye exam on Monday turned into a diagnosis and a referral. Long story short, my optometrist diagnosed me with swollen optic nerves(both eyes). At this point, the cause is uncertian. That was Monday. I remember going to work, but my mind was just processing and absorbing. My greatest fear in the moment was, “what if I lose my sight?” I wasn’t mentally prepared and felt blindsided.

The worst part was knowing I’d have to come back on Thursday for more tests. I came in before work and the optometrist reviewed my results with me. (I’m so glad I brought my mom into the room with me for moral support! She’s my rock. ) He wrote me a referral to see a Neuro-Opthamologist. My mind still longs for answers, but I know I have to wait. For now, I’ve started the ball rolling with the referral process.

My greatest request I currently have is prayer. I believe that prayer has great power. I know God can heal in more ways than one and also believe that God already knows the full diagnosis. Even when my emotions are struggling,I know deep down that God is good and that this journey is only part of my story. I’ll try and update this blog here!

When I started Driven to Hope Ministries in 2020, I needed community. Living in Southern California, where automobiles are the primary method of transportation, I felt lost and unable to find people who understood me outside of family. It’s hard being in a culture where driving is seen as a ride of passage into adulthood. It’s celebrated and validated, and for those of us who struggle with any driving phobia or trauma, we feel less than. Nobody talks about this. People will say, “well, just get over it and drive.”

When I see teens and young adults seemingly effortlessly passing their behind-the-wheels, I feel desperate and alone and hopeless. For decades I sought a community where I could finally feel understood and validated. This year, I found it on Facebook.

There’s a stigma of shame that many people with vehicle-related phobias feel everyday. That’s why community is so crucial. In community, I felt understood in a way I’ve never felt before. See, just like any phobia, it exists on a spectrum of sorts. I realized that not only was I not alone, but there were others with much more severe levels.

I’m crying as I write this because feeling understood is such a basic human need that gets overlooked so much. I believe God created us to be in community for this reason amongst others. When we feel validated in our struggles, it actually helps us to heal more effectively. And when we have the courage to talk about it, and bring it out into the light, we are taking away Satan’s power to whisper in our ear and tell us we aren’t enough.

You are enough.

The day after I still blame myself at times,

Of thinking if I’d just tried harder

You’d finally love me and we’d live happily ever after.

There’s days I thought that I could just suck it up

Power through it

And prove you wrong…

And then you’d truly love me.

Days that I believed you

When you compared me to the rest

When you told me I wasn’t enough.

When I crashed and burned

You weren’t there to see if I was okay

I couldn’t tell you either way

Because you’d made it clear

You’d never be there when it mattered.

So today, I start something new

Revisiting things, I always knew were true

But once got lost or rather, misplaced

By one single human I once thought I couldn’t replace.

So today I start afresh

Clear away the cluttered mess

Start to see a different view

That I’m stronger without you…

When I first begin this journey, this mountain seemed so big, like a formidable tower to the heavens. In doubt and fear I stood in the shadows and watched so many pass me by. In the shelter of a small tree named Comfort Zone, I made my dwelling. Days and nights would pass as I watched so many weary and unsure travelers make their trek to the peak, their frames would disappear into the clouds and they reached the summit.

Destiny has a way of making herself known. In the early dawn, as the dew formed on the grass, a gust of wind struck my dear Comfort Zone down. I frantically tried to save it, but to no avail.

As I gazed helplessly into the sky, my eyes paused. Before me lay Great Mountain, the formidable fortress that, for so long, represented every shortcoming and fear I’d ever known. It’s rugged sides were treacherous, the path unclear as most of its way was covered by a thick veil of fog. As if by some unknown force, my legs began walking forward towards the base of Great Mountain. My feeble hands grasped what ground I could find and I began my climb.

To be continued

When I started my blog titled, “Driven to Hope”, my dream was to share my journey in hopes that someone out there can see a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

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Right now, you’re wondering how you’ll ever be brave enough, strong enough or capable enough to be where you want to be. There’s a mountain in front of you that looks impossible to climb. The sides are steep and rocky, with loose gravel threatening your every move.

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Your hands tremble as you grip the steering wheel. Your heart pounds inside your chest and your stomach twists nervously.

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As you start the car, the thought of even being able to drive to end of your street seems so daunting, yet, on your first day, you did it somehow.

As months pass, the end of the street is a regular routine. One day, you build up enough courage to drive down the street. Before you know it, you can drive across town.

Look where you started. Look where you are now. You’ve driven on busy roads.

One day, you approach the on-ramp of a freeway, but not just any freeway, a Southern California freeway. These land mines are full of aggressive drivers, reckless tailgaters and far too many cars with turn signals that have yet to be used. You merge in and get up to speed. Don’t forget to breathe.

The day you only dreamed about is becoming a miraculous reality unfolding before your unbelieving eyes. Yet, here you are.

1. Please don’t compare me to someone else as a way to motivate me to do something. I already struggle with not feeling good enough deep down inside because I’m a perfectionist with myself, so pointing out how someone is better than me only makes me discouraged and self-conscious.

2. I cannot tell you how far an encouraging word goes! Even just a simple, “Hey, that thing you did or said was really good…” really goes such a long way in motivating me to not give up.

3. Acting like my strong, intense emotions are a burden. It takes a lot for me to have enough trust in someone to even be able to verbalize how I feel, since I’m an internal processor by default.

4. Not knowing if someone will be there when it really counts. I crave stability and deep connection and I need to feel that those closest to me will be there for me no matter what.

5. Shallow, superficial conversation or “small talk”. Can’t stand it and find it exhausting.