Something I didn’t really share outside of, really my immediate family, up until recently was my struggle with binge eating/emotional eating. The first time I remember binge eating was about 12 years ago. During that time, I experienced a major shift in my life after moving back home from university due to finances. I was depressed and began turning to food for comfort and slowly my weight creeped up.
Then in 2019, I started dating a guy who would be my ex in a couple years. My binge eating slowly returned as the emotional and mental abuse began. The majority of the abuse revolved around him telling me on a regular basis that I wasn’t pretty unless I was slim. It got to the point where he’d ask me every time we’d get together how much I weighed and if I’d lost any weight. If he wasn’t satisfied with my response, he’d show less affection to me. I felt like I was a specimen under a microscope being dissected. My weight and body became a point of constant focus and tension which only fueled my eating disorder again . I’d come home with tension headaches and the food seemed to temporarily dull the pain.
I still struggle with insecurity about my body. I don’t always like the person I see in the mirror. This year, I’m continuing to take my power back. This time, I’m not losing weight for anyone else but myself. I want this for a number of reasons, none of which include external validation. 1. I want to optimize my overall health. 2. Excess weight can actually negatively impact my swollen optic nerve situation. This time, I’m doing it for me and that’s all!
Driven To Hope 